I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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