i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
