the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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