You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
