very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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