I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
