Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
