i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
