i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
