We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
