I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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