Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize
