I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
