do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
