my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
