Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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