nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
