Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
