he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
