jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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