i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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