Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I want to have your abortion
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
