the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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