You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
