She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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