I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
