just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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