he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
