Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
