you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
