i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Ketchup is God's man juice
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Vodka?
Forever.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
