just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
