and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
