Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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