On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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