wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sacagawea was the original milf.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
