its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just gift wrapped bread.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
