Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
