I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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