You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
