I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think I have vodka in my lungs
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
