listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
