He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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