is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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