I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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