I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You need Xanax blowdarts
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
