Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
