mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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