I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
