We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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