This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
