Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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