Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
