Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
