I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
